The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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