Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
