Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
...so i touched it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
