i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just had sex bonerless
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
