i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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