Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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