We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
