im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize