Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
