Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
