People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
