ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
