Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
