Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
