What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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