arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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