You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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