I wish I could punch you in the face.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
