Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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