Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
