I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Randomize
