I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
