I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
