i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
