I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
