im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
