We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
