i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize