he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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