My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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