Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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