with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
