I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
