the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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