Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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