Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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