I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
