True but thats because hes a fetus.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
