you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
