direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
