i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
