Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
