3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
