Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
