Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize