What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
