Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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