I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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