you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
