forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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