Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
