Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I FOUND THE LEGS
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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