I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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