So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Semen is not good for contacts.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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