I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
