i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
