Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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