She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
