tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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