I think im going to throw up on grandma
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
