Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
