so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize