hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
