I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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