Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize