There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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