you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
