I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
