I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
